i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
