yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
