she woke up with a sticky ear
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
