If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
is it fun? or sober?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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