Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
