Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ok first of all what the fuck
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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