I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
