I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
