this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
