If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
