Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
