I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
