Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
