she was so not down for the gang bang
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
