I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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