I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
