im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
