That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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