I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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