id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
