Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
