Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
