the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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