She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
