Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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