i think my tv is drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
