i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
