Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize