I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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