Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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