DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
