finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
