god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
