I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
