I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
