I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
