So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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