Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
