Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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