I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
