God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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