4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
