u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
