How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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