I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
