wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
