I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
