so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
