i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
