Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
