Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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