I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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