The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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