sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
