Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
