Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
