Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
