PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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