I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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