The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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