i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
