May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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