Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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