Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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