I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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