He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
