Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
