Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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