Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
