someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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