All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
